one more paper to the end of 'A' Levels!

WOHOO!!!

approx 9 days to abang's wedding....

I miss us...

split second

every morning.... when you wake up.. there is this split second where everything seems normal..
then reality starts to sink it..
even though its jus for a split second...it feels so real..
it act as a booster to get out of the bed and carry on with our daily life..

yet this morning i chose to stay in bed...
thinking.....
thinking whether wateva i haf done is enough or maybe i could do more but jus couldnt find the strength to do so....
nevertheless, i know i have given my best shot and wats to come will come...
theres nothing i can do to stop it....

so the next time wen you wake up...
do enjoy that split second where everything seems normal....

life? not ready....

Life is full of uncertainties..

its was so much easier in the past...

from pri to sec then either go poly or jc...

after that... is where reality starts to set in...

a levels is ending soon and yet i really wish i could start all over again...

i dun tink i am ready to face the challenges of the real world...

im scared, worried that i may not have a place in this world...

i dunno wat to do wif my life...

im not sure that i can get the results i hoped for..

its jus too painful to fail..

yet again it might jus be the thing to encourage me or on a darker side...discourage me..

i really dun want to grow up...

why cant we stay the way we are...

i dun tink im ready...

dunno why but recently i have felt more alone than ever..

there are people around me but they dun seem to notice me...

not that im craving the attention...

but the feelings of being somebody's friend is diminishing..

probably its jus a very stressing period and im way overreacting...

but who knows...

i really wish that i can talk to someone and help me through this...

but i believe people are all busy with their own probs...

besides this might jus be a phase in life then probably only me can go through it and survive...

im trying not too tink so much and jus go wif the flow.. but its easier said than done..

i dun want to disappoint mum...

for now.. i tink i should jus enjoy the wonders of life that it brings along besides the pain...

come nov 22.......

'A' Levels is ending in a few weeks time...cant believe but am glad dat its ending...
im not so confident regarding the results tho...
its kind of sad that after almost 12 years of education, it may not end well...
but i only have myself to blame and no one else..
but again, its too late to do anything more...
i did what i could and leave the rest to fate...

So.... when nov 22 comes i am so going to enjoy myself!
watch movies, spend my time on the computer....
go shopping and prepare for bro's wedding..
man..im so EXCITED!
hahaha...
but mum wants me to find work and i have no idea what to do...
shitlah... y must i work?? hahaha...
List of things to do: (rough guide)
1) Watch lots of movies
2) Stay up late
3) Rent vcds
4) Shopping for prom
5)Kemas bilik and boxes and all other stuff
6) Find work... haiyo...............

Meantime, still need to study...its not over yet..................

SAD

i feel so stupid...
so many careless mistakes and wrong answers
wat the heck was i thinking??
why cant i be smart!
its so frustrating...
STUPID CHEM PAPER!!
argh!!
i am really really sad.......... ;(

?

Its been awhile since i blog because i did not have pressurizing issue to be let out...
but the pressure on me is tremendous.
i feel so exhausted yet i have to kee on going.
prelims is here and the few papers i have taken has but encouraged and show me that i am ready for the a levels..
i am so worried and worked up..
its not that i do not pt in effort..
i do i really do but somehow during the exams i am just stunned and cant seem to operate my mind well.
if this goes on, i do not how i am goin to handle my a levels....
i dont wat to be like those people who cry when they get their exams results..
i want to atleast be contented that i get to apply for the universities that i want and do the course i prefer...
but the thought of university now just seem so distant and out of reach..
i have never fell so helpless and stupid
and disappointed with myself.
the worse is my parents disappointment...

but whatever it is..
i chose this step..
like it or not..
i have to complete the journey no matter what the outcome is...........

the week

its has been quite a week...
had this netball inter house tournament..
it was a very quick kind of competition where if we lose we are out...
so the first time that we played, tot we were going to lose..
BUT... amazingly we won...and continue to win
BUT again we lose one match and clinched the fourth place..
even though we didnt get anyting..it was a proud moment as we had no practice whatsoever...
jus a few shooting practices and passes.. like 2 hours before the thing started..
so yea.. we are good...hahhaha

and last night went to dancefest..
it was amazing and so cool..
i love to see people dance...
the winners deserve the praise and commendation...
really enjoyed myself..
at the end... had this dance on stage where its like clubbing..
but it was stupid cos people jus got on stage and talk or take pictures..
and also there were dancing but breakdance and only 1 person were doin it and the others watching it...
so yeah it was quite a night...

and gosh we are stepping down soon!
need to get the monatge ready which i am not too sure what to do....
haiz...

*peace out*

HARRY POTTER!

HARRY POTTER, HARRY POTTER.....OOOH!
HARRY POTTER, HARRY POTTER.....YEAH!

hahahaha.. yeah watched harry potter..
quite nice and am so gald that i saw it..
but quite sad that the scene where sirius died is rather short and insignificant...
it was so sudden...
the part where harry showed him sadness was kinda muted and fast too...
what the heck...its supposed to be the saddest part of the whole story..
yet, i do not feel the tug of string in my heart..hahaha

anyway... kudos to the director and the cast and crew of Harry Potter cos it was nice...
in my opinion la...
hahha
Harry ROCKS!

once again........

HARRY POTTER, HARRY POTTER.....OOOH!
HARRY POTTER, HARRY POTTER.....YEAH!
:)

mixed emotions

sad......
angry.......
dissapointed........
irritated........
stupid........

i hate myself...

No Sacrifice.......No Victory!

ok... its official..
i have officially screwed up my mid years..
its so bad that my bio teacher has to come up to me and asked whether i study or not..
i am so bloody screwed...

if i want to succeed in my 'a' levels, i seriouslyhave to start now...
and i have to stop watching youtubes and all the other craps...
becos as captain witwicky has said: No Sacrifice.....No Victory!
so like it or not, i have to buck up and start mugging!

on a lighter note,...
TRANSFORMERS IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i feel like watching it again!!
but then again i can only do it when the ordeal is over...
oh...
and harry potter song is damn cute...
i have come up with a song for transformers too!
wahahhahaha..
but im kinda tone deaf so...it probably sucks...

lastly i am so tired.....
ahahhaha...

*peace out*

Ch-ch-changes

seconds had turned into minutes...
minutes turned into hours...
hours turn into days ...
and days turn into weeks..
finally...weeks turn into months..

BUT one thing hasnt change...
i still dont update that regularly...hah..
anyway..lots have things have happened..
like my recently screwed up mid year exam...
i shall not elaborate..
its just too painful...
hah...

so yeah...and i hope that i can change...
cos...
NOW IS THE TIME TO CHANGE...
before its too late...

****

STOP MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SHIT!
IM F***ING TIRED AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS MAKE WORSE
SOMETIMES YOU SAY THINGS LIKE YOU ARE A REAL F***ING BOSS
SO DO ONE THING FOR ME NOW...

F*** OFF

life = bitch?

life can be a bitch...
when you are feeling good..it will throw in something to dampen your spirit..
when you are feeling down..it will throw in something to boost your spirit

because of you, i have to be the good one..
to be on her good side so as not to upset her further
when she is stress about you, the rest of us gets her anger too
sometime i feel like im not 17...
i am suppose to be the teenage... rebelling against parents becos that is the phase of life..
but no..u are the one rebelling and i have to be the one correcting your mistakes
i cant even enjoy a good day out wif my frens for fear that she will be upset
i always have to think about you and her before i can do anything
i want to go out too
i want to spand my time with my frens
i want to go out somewhere far and be home late

but the truth is i am scared..
scared that i will disappoint her like you did
i dont want her to treat me like the way she did u...
thats why i never treat her the way you did

sometimes i wonder whether whatever you are doing is on purpose
to test the limit of her patience
i dont know...

im tired...very very tired...of the shit that is going on..
i jus wish things will go back to normal

HEYY!!

HELO HELO HELO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its been a damn long time
been busy with sch...
tmr will be I.U nite
hope everything runs smoothly and the decor oso should be ok
and june camp coming up
damn excited to plan ah...
WHEEEEEE!!!!
hahahah

over....

ok...blogger is making my life miserable...
cant seem to upload pics...
anyway gemilang is finally OVER!
and although i didnt win anything, it has been a great experience for me...

and thanks to fiz, aruna, fatimah, kenneth and the 06s06 people for coming to support me...
so sorry that i lost...

thanks people..

zest for life.................

jus finished doing econs fac test..
there is a 99.9% of failing...
wait a min....
i tink its 100%!
cos i never pass my econs
sometimes i kinda regret taking econs...
i simply cant get the concept....
unlike everyone else in the class..
there is definitely something wrong wif me...

studies aside...i SOOOOO want to meet syaza, mary and celeste to play netball!!!!
it was suppose to be this sat bt i gt CCA..
dammit it...
i really2 want to go...
i never felt the urge to do something so much....
this is the only thing that is keeping the zest for life in me...

sometimes i feel that all my energy is drained out from me...
i feel so tired that i want to sleep and never wake up...
bt i haf to...

ok...must study chem now...
mug...mug...mug....

my thoughts

ok..its been awhile ever since i wrote anything..
nothing new though...
im forever lagging wen it comes to blogging..

anyway..recently i read this special edition of newsweek about the american soldiers that died in Iraq..
not that i am very supportive of the thing that is going on in Iraq right now..
but i cant help feeling a sense of loss for the families of those who were sacrificed..
as u read their diaries and entries.. u will realise that they are getting sick of the war too...
all they want is to come home and live with their families...

for some, they died a day before they were scheduled to leave Iraq..
there are others who died without seeing their children who were just born...
come to think of it..i dont know how the families of those sacrificed ever gather the courage to face with such dampen thoughts..
and what about those who were killed...
what was the last thing that went through their minds...
how does it feel to know that at any time...things can happen and u may just lose ur life...

like one of them had said.."Anytime i am here is the day i die"

ok...enought with these serious stuffs...
oh i gt into the finals of the hosting competition which i am clearly amazed..
cos i swear i screwed up...
well...wat the hell...
since im in..might as well give my best shot...

*peace out*

4e3 gathering

there is only one word to describe yesterday

AMAZING!!

thanks guys for all the fun, laughter and joy we had yesterday..

we so should do this more often.

helo...im finally blogging

its been a long long long time since i updated..

not that nothing exciting has been going on..its just due to pure laziness..

so here i am...blogging even though i have chem spa tomorrow...

oh well...a little bit of time taken to chill will not hurt...would it?

anyway.. interact club had their orientaton and i am soooo..glad that it turn out way better than the previous orientation..

in fact i felt my spirits lifted up when i saw the j1s coming in..

unfortunately...it was short - lived....

due to unforseen circumstances... it felt that maybe just maybe i could have done better..

due to some bitchings...it made me feel quite disappointed...

but what the heck...i dun not look up to you...

so if the people i need to look up to say it was ok then i shall believe that it was ok too...

just so you know...your glory days are over..

get the hell out and stop pretending that u are what you are.. cos well...

cos u suck!

man..that felt better..

talking about this just make my head hurts... so yeah lets forget about this..

and to fizah...wahahahah..relek ah..all those things i said is just a joke ok!

and i will still love you no matter what...hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahah..

man i just cannot forget how u look at Ljs today...ahhahahahahahahahahaha...

ok..ok...relek..promise i wont laugh anymore k..

*peace out*

whats wrong with u?

i seriously have no idea what is going on her head...
shes been showing so much of angst and attitude..
so cold towards all those around her..
nowadays i cant seem to get thru to her.
its like shes pulling away from us..
every little bit upsets her and make her mad..

even dad who is such a sweet old guy could not stand her..
i have never seen dad like that
no matter how difficult it was to get thru her, dad is always the cool and less emo type.
but now..
it seems that even dad is fed up..
no wait...everybody is fed up

i dont know what to say or do anymore..
is this how it is going to be forever?
because of one stupid mistake..
i guess its true..
you can never run away from the past...

*peace out