who you are...

Extracted from somewhere:

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at the crossroads.

Afraid.

Confused.

Without a road map, the choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days.

Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back.

But once in a while, people push on to something better.

Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone.

And just beyond the bravery and courage, it takes to let someone in.

Or to give someone a second chance.

Something beyond the quite persistence of a dream

Because it's only when you're tested, that you truly discover who you are.

And it's only when you're tested, that you discover who you can be.

such amazing words....

*peace out*

haiz....

sometimes.. i just dont get her..
without any rhyme or reason.. she would flare up..
i dont even noe where my fault lies..
thats is why whenever she acts up.. i will just ignore her..
it hurts alot but i rather keep quite than say things which will hurt her..

as if i have nothing else on my mind..
i am already very worried about my studies...
i am basically screwing up and this year im taking my a levels..
i try so hard to ensure that i study... but i keep procrastinating..and i wonder why i am like that...
i wish that i can just sit down, focus and study...
but no... i just have too many distractions..

i really hope that i have the strenght to keep up in my studies as well as the behaviour of some people...

*peace out*

procrastination

i love this pic
life has been ok these days...
there is so much i want to do...
but somehow i can never do it..
not because there is too little time but more because of my attitude..
i am one of a bloody lazy girl....

so yeah my ambition of studying during the hols has basically screwed up...
i have been procrastinating since saturday...
my hols is coming to an end....and i haven been able to do anything..
except slacking watching tv and comp...

so right now, i need to set my priorities right....
my a levels is coming and i really need to focus...
because if i dun.. i dun want to feel regret and that i have wasted my time...
so dhilah...

WAKE UP!!!

START FOCUSING!!!!

STOP PROCRASTINATING!!!!!

START STUDYING!!!!!

well hopefully i can do it...

*peace out*

testing 1..2..3...

actually i have nothing to write...
its just dat fizah wanted me to test whether wen i publish my post it can be seen on my blog..
so here i am writing this so dat there is something to see wen i publish my post...
hahahahah..
okay, i think this is enough..

*peace out*

who said SPA was relaxing.....

yesterday i studied hard for SPA..
today had the SPA exam..
it was disappointing...
cos i kind of screw it up wen i missed a compound...
haiz... it so very the upsetting
kind of worried too...
as its 5 % of my chem a level...

haiz...
well i guess wats done is done...
theres nothing i can do abt...
i tried my very best..
its pointless to cry over spilt milk...
who said SPA was relaxing...

so lets focus on smthg happier..
oh ya...went to eat with fiz, fatimah and hafidz...
kind of funny..
there was this small cockroach at where we were sitting
as usual fatimah make a big fuss..
hafidz being the only guy pun quited penakut...
said he geli... hahahahah..

but then out of nowhere he kicked and stamp on the cockroach..
it was so random... none of us expect him to it ah...
hahahah
and finally we ate in peace....
and ryan and me came up with this new shake hands thingy...
kinda cool kan....hahahahah

*peace out*

am i reading too much into it? assurance is needed...

well firstly, i got a new phone and specs!!!
hahaha...finally.im so glad...

well this few weeks have been ok..
fun on some days like wen we hang out with the class and stuffs..

but i feel kind of empty at times...
now without any rhyme or reason i can get upset..
sometimes i wonder whether it is right for me to have those feelings..
i mean we are all entitled to our own decisions and thoughts
but i wonder why i should not have those thoughts..
every single details that i observed...
i wonder whether its because of me...
or am i jus reading into it too much..
sigh...

i dun noe... i really dun noe..
i need some assurance...
can u assure me?
and drive those thoughts away...
did what happen when i was a kid the cause for this sense of insecure...
then should i blame those people who made me feel like this...?

am i reading too much into it?
i need assurance..

*peace out*

NEEDS..

lots of things have happen these past few weeks....
at home everything is fine..
except that sis kind of got into a bicycle accident..that left her disfigured..
ok. thats kind of an exaggeration... jus some scratches on her face and arms..

my printer is spoil so now i have problem trying to print watever i want..
such a chore when technology is not at ur disposal..
i need a new printer

my phone is spoil..
a few weeks ago, it fell into the toilet hole but after drying, it was as good as new..
but a few days ago, without any warning it died on me...
i have been phoneless for 2 days.. n its killing me..
i feel so disconnected and i cant jus sms to find out stuffs..which is really bad...
i need a new phone

and my specs is senget now that i feel kinda dizzy wearing it..
one of the lens is even displaced from the frames..
i need a new specs..

oh and 3 of my frens have been retained..
i feel really bad for that..
i could have been one of them..
but thank god...

so yeah basically, i have a lot of needs..

*peace out*

today is history....

today is history man!
i tink this is the first time after a long time that i went home damn early...
hahahah..by 123o i was already making my way home...
wahahahah...man dat felt really good..
should do this more often but i tink it will be difficult though...

even dad was shocked i was home early...hahaha
so after he went to work i was home alone since mum also went out..
thought that i played comp for a whine before studying but sis used it...
so no comp..i didnt have the mood to study...

baring2 kejap before i knew it i fell asleep...woke up at 0530 and prayed...
did a bit of my chem notes..
and finally i get to use the comp...

im seriously addicted to using comp...
i used to be like ok ok with using comp..
never felt the urge to really use it but nowadays..
haiyo...tak use comp macam tak sah...
hahahahah

*peace out*

tiring tuesday

today was a very tiring..tiring day..
came to sch earlier than usual and had our morning jog..
2.4 km bt i kinda cheated abit so it was 2km...
straight after that was SPE..another 2.4km..
this time i didnt cheat..hahahha
so yeah..after that was break and we had the normal lessons...

Gp was fun cos we didnt do anything much..
jus discussed some stuff related with sports...
that will be my last lesson with ms leow...
damn man....shes like the most coolest gp teacher ah..
haiz...wish i got her for my own gp class...

basically nothing much happen..
except that i gt YQ into trouble...
well it wasnt that bad actually..
its jus that ms lim has been keeping a lookout for the guys with long hair..
so as a good tpjcian, i felt like it was my duty and responsibility to help her out with it...
wahahahaha like real...
(ms lim in front of the class)
me (in a loud voice): eh YQ, why ur fringe touch ur eyebrown ah..go cut your hair ah..
YQ: face so shocked and look like hes gonna strangle me soon

hahahaha.. i love to disturb him...
its so FUN!
really make my day....

oh ya...rite now fiz is crazed over somebody..
so as a good fren..which i am by the way...i will go along with watever shes gonna do...
hahaks...love is crazy..

*peace out*

finally im updating..

once again...it has been a long long time since i blogged...
im beginning to realise that my sentence will starts with ' its been a long time since i blogged'
hahahah...maklumlah busy kan...
padahal2...

so yeah, lots of things have been happening which i cant really say cos i kind of forget..
the truth is i have STM = Short Term Memory..
hahahah
anyway, been busy preparing for the orientation for interact club..
kind of excited to meet the new people and all...
but as usual when planning for events, there will always be some problems..
sometimes with the planning itself and sometimes with the people involved...

if u feel that you do not know what is going then make an effort to find out..
it is not our fault that u fail to understand it
your attitude puts people off..
and when we are discussing the least you can do is to find out and asked the one in charge
instead of going off....
so if you want respect for youself, learn to respect others too..
and by the way, Pls change your attitude cos it STINKS!

NEWS UPDATE: my economics teacher has changed!!
hahah.. YEAH!!
the new one looks nicer and seem more approachable..
i hope that i am able to change my econs marks for the better..

*adios*

HELLO 2007!!

Its been like a few weeks since i have blogged...
thats is like a really long long time...
anyway, 2006 is over and a new year starts, 2007..
i cant believe that i slept thru the year!
i didnt even countdown..
haiyo! horrible sey dilah..

alot has happen which i kind of lazy to story tell...
and i didnt manage to finish all my homeworks but i did some...
anyway...school has started and this is gonna be a busy and hectic year for me..
all i hope is that i have the strength and courage to face it..
i had wanted to do a new year resolutions thingy..
but then i thought if u want to make a good change, why wait for a new year..
u can always make that change anytime..

besides, i have tried doing resolutions in the past but it kinda didnt work...
so i decided not to waste my time..

oh ya... this year is gonna be a cool year for me too...
my 2 cousins and bro are getting married..
one will be in march, the other in september..i think and my bro is getting married in december!
hahaha...mesti kecoh punye...
its is also gonna be a stressful year as im taking my a levels...
i really hope that i will make it...

that all for now...
maybe i will blog again..
soon. i hope..

*peace out*

happy birthday...

9th december 1989..
that was the day i was born...
today marks the 17th year i have lived in this world..

the night before, we had this sleepover thingy...
both of us on the floor using my blanket as bed..
after a few mins..both of us cant sleep cos it was uncomfortable..
finally we decided to return to our lovely beds and slept soundly after that..

the next morning, i woke up to a macdonald's breakfast bought by my sis..
thanks kak...so much..
we ate and talked and it felt good...
not exactly the birthday i had in mind but it was so much better..

as i sat there eating, i thought about the past 16 years of my life..
i admit that i have done a lot of mistakes
i was happy.. and at times sad too..
but i have never regretted any of my decisions...

but on this day..i am deeply upset..
the person who brought me into this world had not talked to me...
not even wishing me...
i am glad for my sister because she gave me the strength to face this..
when your loved ones do not talked to you..it hurts badly..
its so painful that you wished someone would just take you away so that you dont have to face it...

so..just wanna wish myself
a happy 17th birtday....

shes nt talking

shes not talking to me..
not even a single word...
i dread going home...
just because of a stupid argument...
i hate myself...

even if she say something..
it will be because its neccessary to do so...
she will even look at me in the eye..
am i so detestable?
i really hate myself...

service learning

it has been a LONG LONG time since i blog..
well its because there is nothing much going on in my life rite now..
when there is no sch...it sucks...
bt when there is sch...it sucks too..
so wat the heck..

anyway, i had to do this service learning thingy for two days..
went to this place called sunbeam at choa chu kang..
damn far...woke up quite early for that 2 days...
first day was late cos fizah was late...
ahahahaha..bangun lambat itupun dikejut by me...hahaha
so yeah was damn late...
but the second day was damn early...
to pay back for the day we were late....

im lazy to tell the whole story but i will jus write what i felt doing the whole thing...
when i first reach there, i expected the kids to be upper primary..
but no...there were lower primary and some are not even in primary sch...
so when i saw them...i was like...damn shit..small kids...OMG...
not dat i dun like kids, mind u...
but i do not really know how to mingle with them much...
sometimes i tink that kids do not like me..
im nt sure why myself..hahaha

so while trying to gather them around..it was hard..
they didnt listen..especially to me ah...
so i was like..oh man...this kids hate me..
kind of confirmed my suspicions...
bt as the day got on... i guess i wasnt that bad with kids...
some of them lah...
rani was the cutest there..shes small and sweet..
played around with her..
and there were little devils too...
like ming zheng...the hellboy...hahahaha
there was xavier and lay teng and elvin...
it was fun hanging out with them...at times..
but they can be a real headache...well kids generally are a headache...hahaha

but i realise that all these kids want is someone to be them for them...
to hold their hands and guide them..
when lay teng was with me...she kept holding my hand close to her..
when she sat on my lap...she makes sure that shes holding my hand...
on the last day, when we were going home.. ming zheng came up to me and hug me...
and asked whether we are coming tmr..
i said no... and it broke my heart cos like they were expecting us to come again...
its just so sad...felt like crying but tahan ah... paisey sey kalau org nampak..ahahahah
and there was yi bin.. mark's boy...
hes damn cute..
and i finally got to carry him...
even though it was for awhile but it was nice dat he allowed me to carry him
cos he only liked mark...hahaaha

so yeah.. it was a great experience...
to really be with these kids..
have another event coming up..
hope that it will be a success as well..

*adios*

mistakes

sometimes, the reason we argue is not even because of me...
it all about her..
yeah, i know shes made some mistakes..
i know u want to talk..
but wat can i do...
i cannot give u anything..not even an assurance..
because the truth is my life is not about solving other's people problem...

for goodness sake im going to be 17..
im suppose to enjoy life right...not come up with something to solve problems
yeah im mature now..at 17 i should be learning about life mistakes..
but why, why does she worry that i will make that same mistakes..
i learnt from her mistakes..
i have seen what those mistakes have done...

everyday, i promise myself taht i will never be like her...
never hurt the ones i love..
maybe dats y i feel different...

*adios*

SOMEBODY SAVE ME!

today, in the morning went out to do some math hwk..
then went to lib to get some books...
then met up wif sis and we jalan2 abit..gt some vcds and went home
at night went jogging and watched 2 movies...

gosh..my sentence are so boring..
i feel like im writing a primary school compo..
so yeah..basically..im VERY bored...
so bored that i sometimes i cant sleep..
probably due to lack of activities...
haiz....i tink school isnt such a bad idea after all....
maybe the fun part and ur friends are the best part of school..
acadmically...i prefer to skip it hahaha...

ok...i tink im talking crap...cos im bored...
hmm...and one tree hill is running out of videos..
so i dun frequent utube as much...
OH! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!

*adios*

yesterday..was another fulfilled day...

there was only one word to describe yesterday: FUN!
hahahaha..met up wif fizah and adilah...
went to ramenten and had lunch..
dilah and fizah kind of ordered to much sushi and we also had the set meal...
so was very very kenyang...

then jalan2 at junction 8.
around 6 plus we went home...
i took the bus cos it leads straight to the bus stop near home...
although the journey was long.. bt i kind of like riding the bus...
boleh khayal...
hahaha
fiz hates riding buses..
which is a bit weird...so she took the mrt home...
hahahah...

rite now im bored...
so i guess utube will be my destination!

*adios*

update again...

well...its been awhile since i updated...
not that i didnt want..mind you...
but i had nothing to talk abt..
life has been boring enough and i didnt want to put the boring details in here...
all i have done this week is doing the interact board..and slacking round at any fast food restaurant with fizah..
now that is fun cause we talked crap and laugh and all..hahaha

but then when i get home..i got bored and all i ever do now is go to utube watch anything that is worth watching...
mostly is my favourite drama ONE TREE HILL..
hahaha..
man..chad micheal murray is DAMN HOT!! ahahaha
haiz...its just so nice to feast your eyes on him...
well there is this one episode where there is a quote and i really2 like it..
Quote:

at this moment, there are six million, four hundred and seventy million,

eight hundred and eighteen thousand,six hundred and seventy one people in the world.

some are running scared.

some are coming home.

some tell lies to make it through the day.

others are just now facing the truth.

some are evil men, at war with good.

and some are good, struggling with evil.

six billion people in the world.

six billion souls.

but sometimes,

all you need is one.

this is a nice quote..
and i kind of believe in it..
no matter what happens
no matter what people do or say to you..
what we need is just someone who listens and give a shoulder for us to cry on..
there are others who are lucky..they have got more than 1 person for them to depend on..
i believe im lucky...cause i have the greatest family and friends in the world..
im really proud to have them in my life..
there are times when i wish these same people will leave me alone..
but i know if that were to happen, i dont think i can survive..
i am what i am because of the people around me..
life is never perfect and it will never be...
but i know that come what may..there will always be people to support me..
and i thank these very souls who have been there for me..
thank u soo much..

wah..i suddenly feel very philosophical...
hahahaa...

*adios*

%^%&%$@#%&

ok...today is going to be a f***ed up day....

OP..HAIYO..

today was the day...
the day for OP...
went to sch at 10...
met with the rest and we rehearsed here and there..
then waited until 3 for our turn which was freaking long..
then our presentation..
for me the presentation was ok...
then came the Q n A and that destryed everything..

re - enactment:

Examiner 1: ok, fadhilah...wat can u do to encourage these people to go for the seminars?

Me: umm... (stood there like an idiot for 2 mins)..sorry..umm

Examiner 2: wat other measures that can u take?

Me:(in my head) shit.. wat a qn..coudnt she ask smthg else..f***...wat to say?! wats dat thing we say wen people get smthg?? damn wat it is???(out loud) oh.. to encourage people they will get smthg if they come, like free sample of cloth bags

Examiner 1: ok, why then pri 1, i mean they are young...

Me: well, singapore's education is fast paced.. at pri 1 they are learning eng, math and science..so tehy also learn abt the 3Rs. Reduce, Reuse and Recycle.. so this can be incorporated by making it simple enough for them to understand..

Examiner 1: Ok.. next younquan...

GONE!!! GG!!

I totally screwed up my Q n A...

like shit ah...

haiz.. so disappointed...

then to celebrate our post pw..

the whole grp went to watch movie..

so difficult to choose the movie...

grudge 2 and the guardian - i watched..

daph wanted to watch a gd year..

aruna and yq wanted to watch the covenant

wilbur nt even sure wanted to watch any movies...

tossed a coin and aruna won...

so covenant it is...

den wilbur said watching it tmrw...

so he didnt want to go wif us...

after much arguing..

we finally.. i really mean finally.. we decided to watch step up...

the movie was quite nice actually... nice dance move...

really enjoyed it...

to whoever who likes to watch dance movie..better catch this one!

we walked around and finally went home..

so tired...tmrw gonna be busy helping mum...

mak is coming over..

yeah!

now im feeling better..

oh well.. op is over...watever happen has happened...

never cry over spilled milk...

*adios*