happy birthday...

9th december 1989..
that was the day i was born...
today marks the 17th year i have lived in this world..

the night before, we had this sleepover thingy...
both of us on the floor using my blanket as bed..
after a few mins..both of us cant sleep cos it was uncomfortable..
finally we decided to return to our lovely beds and slept soundly after that..

the next morning, i woke up to a macdonald's breakfast bought by my sis..
thanks kak...so much..
we ate and talked and it felt good...
not exactly the birthday i had in mind but it was so much better..

as i sat there eating, i thought about the past 16 years of my life..
i admit that i have done a lot of mistakes
i was happy.. and at times sad too..
but i have never regretted any of my decisions...

but on this day..i am deeply upset..
the person who brought me into this world had not talked to me...
not even wishing me...
i am glad for my sister because she gave me the strength to face this..
when your loved ones do not talked to you..it hurts badly..
its so painful that you wished someone would just take you away so that you dont have to face it...

so..just wanna wish myself
a happy 17th birtday....

shes nt talking

shes not talking to me..
not even a single word...
i dread going home...
just because of a stupid argument...
i hate myself...

even if she say something..
it will be because its neccessary to do so...
she will even look at me in the eye..
am i so detestable?
i really hate myself...

service learning

it has been a LONG LONG time since i blog..
well its because there is nothing much going on in my life rite now..
when there is no sch...it sucks...
bt when there is sch...it sucks too..
so wat the heck..

anyway, i had to do this service learning thingy for two days..
went to this place called sunbeam at choa chu kang..
damn far...woke up quite early for that 2 days...
first day was late cos fizah was late...
ahahahaha..bangun lambat itupun dikejut by me...hahaha
so yeah was damn late...
but the second day was damn early...
to pay back for the day we were late....

im lazy to tell the whole story but i will jus write what i felt doing the whole thing...
when i first reach there, i expected the kids to be upper primary..
but no...there were lower primary and some are not even in primary sch...
so when i saw them...i was like...damn shit..small kids...OMG...
not dat i dun like kids, mind u...
but i do not really know how to mingle with them much...
sometimes i tink that kids do not like me..
im nt sure why myself..hahaha

so while trying to gather them around..it was hard..
they didnt listen..especially to me ah...
so i was like..oh man...this kids hate me..
kind of confirmed my suspicions...
bt as the day got on... i guess i wasnt that bad with kids...
some of them lah...
rani was the cutest there..shes small and sweet..
played around with her..
and there were little devils too...
like ming zheng...the hellboy...hahahaha
there was xavier and lay teng and elvin...
it was fun hanging out with them...at times..
but they can be a real headache...well kids generally are a headache...hahaha

but i realise that all these kids want is someone to be them for them...
to hold their hands and guide them..
when lay teng was with me...she kept holding my hand close to her..
when she sat on my lap...she makes sure that shes holding my hand...
on the last day, when we were going home.. ming zheng came up to me and hug me...
and asked whether we are coming tmr..
i said no... and it broke my heart cos like they were expecting us to come again...
its just so sad...felt like crying but tahan ah... paisey sey kalau org nampak..ahahahah
and there was yi bin.. mark's boy...
hes damn cute..
and i finally got to carry him...
even though it was for awhile but it was nice dat he allowed me to carry him
cos he only liked mark...hahaaha

so yeah.. it was a great experience...
to really be with these kids..
have another event coming up..
hope that it will be a success as well..

*adios*